Forum Thermomix
Welcoming Center, Management and General Chat => Chit Chat => Topic started by: Halex on March 07, 2012, 11:18:37 am
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I have been thinking this over since I picked ds (age eight years old) up from school.
DH home late, so cant discuss
Today ds news day, he took a bionicle (lego) into school for news. I dont like him taking tous in but it was built well & seemed sturdy.
At lunchtime a new boy in his class took it and smashed it on the concrete, it broke & the lego broke, not too many parts but enough that its a broken toy.
Ds didnt see it, his friend did. They Told the teacher & so far thats all
I know.
Do I ignore? Do I talk to teacher, mum & ask for a replacement.
It seemed intentional it was hdden behind ds bag.
So new to this, what I do
H ???
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Hally, speak to the teacher, not the other parent. Let the school handle it.
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I agree with Chookie but make sure the school does actually deal with it.
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Things like that make me so angry! My twins are only in prep but I can predict this type of thing happening to us. Certainly the behavior of the other child was aggressive and the act of destroying the Lego was obviously not accidental. I would definitely have a talk to the teacher and let the school speak to the parents of the other child- if you think the school is brushing the whole thing under the carpet then I would insist on the school setting up a meeting for you and the other parents along with the teacher. I think the least the other parents should do is replace the broken toy ie this matter should certainly not be brushed aside as that doesn't teach children anything about valuing other peoples property and respecting others. At the age of eight I thought most children do have some concept of looking after their own property and respecting that of others. It would be interesting to see how the school handles this kind of thing. I thnk they don't need to be heavy handed but someone from the school certainly needs to talk to this child as well as informing the parents of what has happened and hopefully it will be a once off. I hope your son is not too traumatized by the whole incident though as I can still remember bullies and kids' bad behavior from my own school days. Good luck anyway!
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Thank you, yes will speak to the teacher in the mrning.
Last week ds borrowed the teachers ruler, wasnt using it all the time in the correct manner. Had it between his legs, it snapped, so he broke it. Note came home, next day ds bought new ruler out of his money.
Be interesting to see how this pans out.
It makes me cross as ths child was just being mean, he took it at lunchtime from behind ds bag without hs knowledge. i told ds tonight i woud do news with him, he was happy with that :) not sure what teacher will say. To be honest i think toys should be banned.
H :(
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Hallu we had this happen rather a lot until we banned toys from school.
Are toys allowed at school? Do they have to stay on the teacher's desk? Go and have a chat to the teacher and find out what they school rules are.
Let us know how you go.
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Yes cookie toys are allowed at school, personally I dont agree with it. News to me shoud be what they have done over the week with family & frends, but it apears I am in the minority.
I let him take the bionicle a it was sturdy, I didnt exoect a child to smash it on the concrete.
H >:(
I feel sorry for the teachers, what happened to just teaching our kids.
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Sorry to hear that hally. Very upsetting for your son.
As suggested, speak to the teacher first thing in the morning.
Suggest to the teacher that if toys are brought in for show and tell that they must stay in the class room next to her desk (just a thought)
Good luck
Rara x
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It is hard because kids can be cruel and teachers don't always see everything!! Talk to the teacher. Good luck
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Hally,
I do believe that what happened when the ruler was broken by misuse, has set a benchmark for how this should be treated. I would bring this into the conversation with the teacher, something like .......... the toy was broken intentionally by ....... and the other day when my son broke your ruler he was required to replace the ruler, so is this what I can expect to occur in this instance ? Our school doesn't ban toys for their talks but at parents requests the toys can be held by the teacher. Get on your soap box lol !!!
It sends a wrong message to your son if they don't treat it the same !
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Am I scarred or what? When I was in Grade 3 I got a Cindy doll for my birthday, and brought it to school because I didn't want to be parted from it and I wanted to show all my besties my present. Straight away it was confiscated and put up on the teachers piano. Gee I hated her, not only did she go red in the face and throw lots of chalk and dusters at me when I was talking (which was all the time) but she took my doll off me that day. I eventually got it back a couple of days later, but I sure learnt the lesson not to bring toys to school.
Does this mean:
a) do not bring toys to school to play with, because you are supposed to be learning
b) do not bring toys to school because some kids do not have toys and you set up situations where jealousy issues occur
c) they distract from schoolwork
I think it needs to be a fairly light hearted talk with the teacher, and whatever the outcome DS should not take anymore toys into school. To me it sounds like the bully perhaps has some issues going on that need to be dealt with. Not that your son should be the brunt or solver of all issues, but perhaps the bully could be invited over after school (if you can bear it) for a play with Lego.
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Definitely talk to the teacher first. I have seen mothers go straight to the child involved and growl at them, then the other mother gets involved, it's not pretty at all. And can cause some more issues than its worth.
If it happens in school then get the teacher to sort it out.
Good luck Hally. Hope it gets sorted quickly.
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Woke up this morning at 5am with this on my mind. I hate confontation, so I am going to find this very difficult. Wish dh could deal with it, but he will be at work.
I do think that as ds had to replace the ruler, this toy should be replaced, but there might be financial issues I dont know.
Sorry CP, I am nice but not that nice. I am not inviting him over to play, the boy has issues and I dont want to encourage ds to play with this boy.
H :(
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I think all the advice to talk to the teacher is right - but I had a similar thing happen to my dd a few years ago - and the outcome for me in my mind was - I shouldn't have let DD take the toy into school. I spoke to the teacher - but I came awy from it thinking - it is unfair on the teachers to have to deal with protecting non school property on top of everything else. Kids are kids - things get broken - your DS, like my DD has now learnt that. I do worry we step in and solve their problems far too much. I say this only because I am completely guilty of it myself - and I have resolved to try not to be a helicopter mum. I have a lot of 20 something's coming in to work for me - and I am shocked at how much they still depend on their parents to solve problems for them. Do you ever remember your Mum coming into school to solve a problem for you? I certainly don't. I went to a big busy Australian state school - and my children are at a small private English prep school - and I am not sure if it is a cultural thing - or a modern phenomenon - but the presence of mothers in their children's lives - definitely increased!
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Hally I do hope this goes well for you. I am concerned that the attitude may be your son should never have brought it to school, but as toys aren't banned that doesn't stand.
As i said earlier we banned toys for this very reason. If it was a birthday or similar the news was given with the toy and then it went into my locked drawer until Mum picked it up.
Be brave and I hope it goes well. :-* :-*
CP your teacher sounds scarey. When I was in primary school in the bush the teacher next door threw dusters. They hit the wall so hard that we all ducked as well even though we were in the next room. I was just a mean and nasty teacher. :D :D Had great control though and heaps of fun with the kids.
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You got off lightly girls if your teacher only threw dusters. In primary school our teacher pulled you up to the front of the room either by your ear or if you had a ponytail, she used that. She would line us all up and go along belting us on the back of the legs with a cane then we would have to turn around and hold out our hands and she would wack us with the cane again. I invariably pulled my hand away (well, wouldn't you??) which made her even angrier. Oh what a b.... she was - she would be jailed today for what she did to us kids. Is it any wonder my early childhood school years were not full of joy :'( >:(
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;D Judy, i remember the cane at school.
boys got the cane, girls got the ruler.
Hally, I would talk to the teacher, not the mother.
That way it is up to the school to deal with it. I had a problem last year with a mother at school,the school had to deal with it.
Robyn
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Judy I have heard lots of stories about the cane from my dad. Although the cane was still in when I went to school but I was such a good girl I never got in trouble lol ;)
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Well went to see the teacher. She was unaware that it was such a big event. She thought the boy had knocked it off the bench.
She is doing a class investigation today.
So happy that she is looking into it.
H :)
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Good for you Hally!!!
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Glad to hear that the teacher is doing something about it. Hope it's all resolved soon.
I remember the cane, we had a teacher that would walk around the class room and all of a sudden wham the cane would hit your desk, scared the bejeevs out of you, I was terrified of that teacher, the worst and most humiliation was to spend your lunch hour standing under the clock in the hall way near the office. I remember one teacher picking a kid up by the shirt and slamming him into the wall. Also remember being hit by a flying buster more than once for talking to CP.
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You and CP talked at school ??? did you go to the same school?
We had a year 2 teacher who used to walk around with a wooden coat hanger and belt us with that as she went.
Hally I'm pleased that things went well.
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You and CP talked at school ??? did you go to the same school? :D :D Should I rephrase and say as well. Not same school :D
We had a year 2 teacher who used to walk around with a wooden coat hanger and belt us with that as she went.
Hally I'm pleased that things went well.
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Ta.
I was always in trouble for talking too. In high school we had a new principal and he decided that he would keep me after school for talking. I politely pointed out that I had to go on the bus and he couldn't keep me after school.(thinking I was being a smart alec) He insisted and at first I was upset that my parents would have to come into town to get me. I then realised that Dad wouldn't be very impressed at what had happened and settled down. About ½ hour after my brothers would have got home on the school bus Dad turned up. Boy did he tear strips of this principal from the city. He didn't say a word about me talking in class just put the fear of God into this guy. I don't think he ever kept anyone after school again. In fact he didn't last long in the town.
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No wonder when we have a Perth catch up, there never have a quite moment with us 3 chatter boxes :D :D
Hands up who else got into trouble at school for talking.
Sorry Hally I have hijacked your thread.
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Glad to hear Hally. Hope all works out. If you didn't say anything then the teacher and the boys parent would never have known about it.
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Well done Hally for sorting it out.
Does anyone remember when school nurses used to be allowed to check hair for nits? We used to call ours, Nitty Nora the bug explorer!!!
It's a shame that kids aren't checked anymore as some parents don't seem too concerned and it is a big problem in schools.
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I am not doing pick up this afternoon. So wont find out until next week. Ds has a different teacher on fridays.
H :)
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Hally, good on you. You have done the right thing, and it is not easy. The school needs to know if this kid has a problem, and they need to deal with it. So do this kids parents.
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We have a lot of problems with DGS. He attends a mainsteam school but for the first 4 years spent about 50% of his time in the Special Ed Unit to help him with his work. And to help him with social interaction skills.
This year, Grade 4 he is in the mainstream about 95% of the time and with a teacher in the room 50% of the time.
He is constantly picked on an bullied, but because of the way he reacts seems to be blamed for a lot of the treatment.
He is very outspoken if he thinks 'the rules' are not being followed. Tells of any one who crosses on a red light or walks on the grass and things like that. Told one girl at the swimming pool he thought her tattoo was 'really ugly'. :-X
He doesn't run away etc. and is very easy for other kids to make him the scapegoat for their escapades.
He was blamed for peeping over toilet walls (despite not being tall enough even if standing on the loo.) It turned out he had gone in to find two boys being naughty and told them to stop it. And this was their way of getting him back.
We are looking at taking him out of school and doing correspondence classes, but then risk the problem of him not getting any social interaction.
We recently had a meeting with the teachers and head-mistress over homework issues. Seems we are always at the school for something.
And we are both people who avoid conflict if at all possible, but if there are issues, the school needs to know about it.
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Hally, it may be worth enquiring with tomorrow's teacher as ideally they should leave each other messages about the things that have been going on. A communication book sort of thing. It would save you waiting.
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Hally, because I read this last thing before going to sleep last night - I dreamt about it!!! And all turned out well in the dream LOL. It is odd for me as I have been coming to this forum for about a year - but not posting. So i feel like i know you all really well but as you don't know me i was starting to feel like a weirdo stalker! So thought I better start contributing. Probably hasn't helped my cause to say I dreamt about you! Glad it all worked out well with your DS' teacher - in real life I mean!
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I'm glad the teacher took some action Hally. Boy some of you girls had awful teachers.
I'm in my fifties went to public primary school and private high school but can't remember any dusters being thrown.
My piano teacher did hit me over the knuckles for mistakes but that only made me more determined to perfect my pieces.
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Thanks for sharing your story Rosie. Your GS must have shown a lot of improvement over the years for him to now be in the mainstream class for most of the time. It would be a shame to cut him off from social contact, as to make his way in life surely he must have to learn how to cope with all sorts of situations. What wonderful grandparents you are to take on the responsibility of bringing him up. I hope things work out for all of you no matter which path you decide to go down. :-*
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Thanks Judy.
He is very intelligent, but has no social skills and learns things very differently to most children. And is having therapy for speech impediments. He has trouble in the classroom and gets bored easily if the subject is not his interest. He loves history and anthropology and this is all he talks about or wants to learn. He knows all about dodos and Mauritius, but cant dress himself without assistance. Uses words that many adults would not understand in general conversation. He was carrying on one day a couple years back (about 6 0r 7 YO) waiting in line at a checkout. The lady behind him tried to make childish conversation and he looked at her and said. " I know what you are doing. Trying to cheer me up. But I am frustrated." She smiled and replied, that is a big word for a little boy, What does it mean. He just sighed, "It means I am tired, and bored and I want to go home". She was a bit taken aback. about 18 months ago we over heard him explaining symbiosis to his great-grandmother. That was funny. :-))
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[ To me it sounds like the bully perhaps has some issues going on that need to be dealt with. Not that your son should be the brunt or solver of all issues, but perhaps the bully could be invited over after school (if you can bear it) for a play with Lego. ]
quoted from cp
l tried this with a bully which was about double size of my son his family life not good ,a drunk father who was never home and would leave the kids to fean for them self . l invited him over lots of times we had fun, ate yummy food , played playstation . l thought if we showed him some love he would not bully my son. as the school had tried everything else . so they say , but it did not work . but the bullying did not stop at school . it got worst , and my son had bruisers he was very friendly to my son when he was here . but not at school . so l went to school saw he was being mean to my son . asked him if he would like to come over today after school to play , he said yes , l said if he wanted to come over he needs to be nice to my son at school . it did not work . my son hated going to school , we thought it all to hard as there was lots of problems within the school that we could not sort out so we removed him from the school . so now instead of walking to school we drive 10mins to get there and 10 mins back and it was the best thing we ever did and had wished we did it 2 years earlier. we are so happy with the new school and l could not believe how much better this one runs and he gets the help he needs and problems are sorted out straight away
sorry it a bit long but l wanted to explain the story . l would never try it again as my son happiness is important
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It is so sad to think a child reverts to bullying because of what life is like at home or experiences they have had. I hear people talking about their kids being bullied all the time. And it seems to happen more in primary school than high school from my experience.
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Nazar, great outcome for you - glad everything worked out well even if it did mean changing schools.
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Nazar, totally agree.
kids today are bullied at school, and teachers do nothing about it.
I talked to teachers twice, nothing happened.
Just after there was a puppett show on anti bullying.
I had problems last year, talked to the principal, after I got assaulted.
They were fully aware of the bullying child's behaviour, and did nothing.
Something major has to happen, before teachers will do anything at all to stop it.
That child was then moved schools.
Robyn :)
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Wow Nazar....you certainly didn't give up! It's a shame it forced you to switch schools, .....although the new school sounds better all round.
I knew a woman who let her Daughter endure 4 years of horrid bullying from girls in High school.....so much for the zero tolerance bullying policy.....but I was astounded she still sent her Daughter everyday, crying, for 4 years :o >:( Thank god she then decided to change her schools, but I'm afraid the damage had already been done mentally :( .....how much do you let your kids endure?....I was very upfront with her, and voiced my bewilderment!
I had problems last year, talked to the principal, after I got assaulted.
They were fully aware of the bullying child's behaviour, and did nothing.
OMG Robyn :o was that from the child or parent?
I will just echo, any incident your child has, small or large, write it in their diaries (I assume most school's use one?).
We had physical bullying towards my Son in Prep/grade 1...wrote down every incident in his school diary, spoke to the teacher.....nothing happened.
It was only by chance that the principal read my son's diary after I requested to see him.....he said he had no idea of what had been happening, and was shocked. This teacher didn't pass on any of the incidents. Thankfully it stopped immediately.
Hally....if you don't get any feed back, or are not happy with the outcome....talk to the Principal about it.
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Bullying is a dreadful problem both in high school and primary. DD was bullied a little in primary school but quite a bit in high school. Fortunately the teachers at her high school (privat school) saw it happen a couple of times and more or less put a stop to it.
When parents came to me re bullying I always did my best to help. Even to the extent of secretly 'following' their child in the playground. They and all the other children just thought it was my turn to be on duty. I felt this was necessary as I detest bullying. Quite often I was able to set everyones minds at rest. Sometimes the solution was to sort out the bully, other times to explain to a small child that although someone poking their tongue at them was bullying it would be best for them to run away. etc, etc.
My heart goes out to any child who is bullied as it is ghastly for the parent and child. In the country I actually shifted DD's school because of a local lass who just couldn't stop bullying her.
Sorry-bullying is one of my soap box topics.
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Maddy the parent, and she got caught out by the teacher.
Hence the child got moved schools, and there has been no more bullying since.
Maddy, i'll keep a diary now.
great idea.
Robyn
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When my DS started Highschool the very first week he come home with a massive black eye. It was a totally unprovoked attack from another boy who thought my DS was someone else.
The incident happened as the boys were getting on the bus on a Friday afternoon and no teachers saw it happen.
First think Monday morning I rang the school and spoke to the principal who was great, she suspended the boy involved (a well known bully apparently) and talked to the parents who then made a time to come and see me and my DS to make their son apologize for what he had done.
I think most of the time these kind of things are dealt with appropriately. But other times they get over looked and we need to speak to the right person to make sure it is dealt with.
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thankfully my kids have always been strong when they have been persecuted for sticking up for bullied victims. They have had to re-evaluate their friends and have found that being in "the cool group" doesn't mean that its the happiest position. I am so glad that when push came to shove they were able to stick up for milder personalities but were then able to see that they didn't like the influential personalities of the group and got out. The Cool Group is probably the worst group you would ever want your children to be in. My motto that I always harp on to my kids is "Birds of a feather flock together". Its true.
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Bicke, that is really funny, dreaming about us!LOL or maybe yiuate so e weird stalker ;D
Nazar, that is terrible, what an awful child espcially after how kind you were etc.
Last year ds was grabbed in gis private parts by a shocking boy at school. He was naturally upset, the mother sent feral at me, yelling abusive names at me & ds when ds told me about it. I was very upset the boy denied it, an investigation took place, the boy denied it until too many other kids sad they saw him do it. I requested they were not in the same class this year & they are not.
Investigation from toy incident, no one admits to seeing the boy throw the toy, the boy said it was an accident and thats how its been left. He was told off for picking up the toy without ds permission.
H
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OK, Hally, step one. The naughty boy has been identified. School knows about it. If anything happens again, it will not be an accident.
DS will not take treasures to school again.
Perhaps not the result you want but a learning experience for all.
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Yes chookie, no more toys at school.
Boy has been identified, so I am aware of this boy now.
Would have liked his parents to be told, dont think this happened.
I also pointed out to te teacher, news should be events and what they have done in the week.
She said she woud work on that, but they are only 8.
H :)
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Hally a sad learning curve for CP :(
The teacher needs to stop making excuses about news and no toys!!! They are banned at our school and the kids tell news right from Kindy so that is 4 and 5 year olds.
Yes it is a hassle each week helping them work out what they are going to tell for news, but much less hassle than having to keep track of toys etc.
DD has just had a similar learning curve ... some of the kids have started wearing sunglasses in the playground at recess and lunch time (which I don't really have an issue with as it is part of sunsmart) so I allowed her to take hers to school. She let one child borrow them and at the end of lunch said child put them in her bag and took them home. End of story. Teacher and I have spoken to child and parent with a result of nothing. She will get a new pair for her birthday next month but they won't be going to school!
Hopefully you can turn it into a positive experience for CP - reinforce his positive behaviour on how he took responsibility for his actions with the ruler etc and in life that is what is going to get him a lot further (also let him know that it might not feel like that at the moment and you do understand that!!) let him know you are proud of him for that - and to stay away for that horrible child lol
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Hally I always found that toys sort of prevented a child telling 'news' as the talk was 'I got this barbie from k mart' when they should be really thinking as Kathryn said. News is all about, who, what, when where, why and how you felt about it.
I'm glad things have come out into the open.
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Thank you everyone
Next wed news from Andie, ds is doing a little presentation on international pie day.
Dh & ds whilst I am out on girls birthday celebrations will do it together.
H :)
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>:( I have had a bad experience with the school this week too! Someone has stolen my pre primay (5yr) little girls bag containing her bathers, very expensive rashie as she is a red head and burns very easy...towel...lunch box..drink bottle (aluminum one) shoes ..homework book and communication book..during the day while she was in class! No one at the school cares they told me to go and look in lost property!!!! IT IS NOT LOST!!! It was hung on the hook and when she went to get her lunch and swimming stuff it was gone...so then no lunch or swimming for her and when my husband picked her up they asked him if I brought it today!!! Have been to the shop and has costed well over $100 to replace it!! Am not happy...Hope you get a better outcome Hally!
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OK, Hally, step one. The naughty boy has been identified. School knows about it. If anything happens again, it will not be an accident.
DS will not take treasures to school again.
Perhaps not the result you want but a learning experience for all.
Very smart Chookie. A hard lesson to learn though.
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Nat, you need to put this in writing to the school. Don't whinge , just state facts. Copy to class teacher and copy to Head. Ask for a reply.
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We have a policy at our primary school that when precious things are brought to school, they stay in the classroom, near the teacher, until home time. "Just in case you trip and fall and they break".
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Do as Chookie suggested. Keep to the facts and let them know. I'd even include the teacher's response. The school needs to know that someone has stolen something from within the school grounds.
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Our boys aren't allowed to take toys to school - I'm a meanie. I also send a note home to the parents of my students at the start of each school year stating that I will not be responsible for toys that are sent to school and will not keep them on my desk. They are to be kept in their bags at their own risk if they decide to bring them. Sharing in my class consists of regular "favourite" days throughout the year (favourite baby photo, favourite book etc). The kids love bringing something meaningful from home and it sure beats "I got this from Kmart" each week. :)