Forum Thermomix
Welcoming Center, Management and General Chat => Chit Chat => Topic started by: droverjess on October 18, 2012, 08:32:11 pm
-
As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.
I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.
I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub
full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.
I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..
Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a
dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
beautician!
Oh, and by the way...
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…
-
Thanks for that very informative post DJ, it makes me feel really, really good! Think I'll just go safely back to bed now.
Have a good day everyone!!!!
-
Thanks DJ, you had me worried there for a minute, ROFL
Take care
Marie
-
I also learned finally how to cut and paste on the iPad. Now that is worth knowing. Only taken 10 months. ROFL.
-
LOL DJ...thats a goody!! :D
-
Oh my gosh, you had me so worried DJ!!!
ROFLMAO ;D ;D ;D
-
That is so good. ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
:D :D :D
-
Brilliant ;D
-
Too funny!
-
I can relate to some of those DJ, I read them and think I will do something about it then promptly forget all about it :-))
Great collection there :D
-
Thanks DJ, unfortunately it was "a little close to home" in some places, specially at the beginning ;D ;D ;D
-
Thanks for the laugh DJ! ;D
-
Brilliant, I loved it and it gave me a very good laugh ;D ;D ;D
-
Love it!
-
Am really LOL great post thank you DJ.
-
I also learned finally how to cut and paste on the iPad. Now that is worth knowing. Only taken 10 months. ROFL.
Just don't shake your iPad while writing, you might undo what your writing ...
I'll wait here while you try it ...
Btw that was a funny post :)
-
l was a bit worried when l first started to read it , but soon realized what you were saying and thought gee if you did all that you would not want to get out of bed , LOL
-
Haha
-
Just don't shake your iPad while writing, you might undo what your writing ...
I'll wait here while you try it ...
Thing is I knew that one already thanks to Gert
-
2012 I have learnt not to expect the worst from a situation because there is always hope.
And to appreciate your family and friends (which I always have anyway) because they are always there for you in a bad situation. :D
-
That's really lovely dede, mine was just a silly joke.
-
Lol. Was funny though :)
I just thought I would add what I have learnt this year
-
Ive learnt or remembered that as confortable as you CAN be in life your situation CAN rapidly change and your whole world turned upside down .. Things generally work out but could very easily not
That as good as you think friends are you CAN rarely truly count on them when everything goes haywire
That no matter what family is always there
If you have each other you CAN get through just about anything
-
That's really lovely dede, mine was just a silly joke.
Good to joke Dj., sometimes its the best medicine :)
-
I loved it DJ, you can always come on down here, log in, and have a laugh..
Thankyou :) :) :) :) :)
-
I have learnt that working full time sucks when it comes to my forum time and I miss you all :'( :'(
-
I have learnt what a wonderful place this forum is and how lucky I am to have all these smart talented people as my new friends.
-
I have learnt that working full time sucks when it comes to my forum time and I miss you all :'( :'(
Wondered where you had got to Kathryn - you would hardly have time to catch your breath working full time. Hope you are enjoying it.
-
We miss you too Kathryn. Wish you were here more often.
Gert
-
At first i was like omg ..... then after the first few lines got the funny har har and pmsl, went phew ;D ;D ;D... bless ya
2012 --- i have learnt that when i was a phatty and gaining weight, no-one commented on my weight or my food consuption and now that i have the tool in my body to actually control to some degree what i can and cant eat and now that i have lost about 17kgs ... some friends and family have turned into the food police ...
so in 2012 i have learned the true meaning of ironic ;D :P ;D
-
I have learned in 2012 more than ever that it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular - thank you all for being a part of one of the small (although not daily of late) happenings!!!!
-
I have learned to dream big, and open up to the universe.. :)
then reap the rewards of hard work.
it is the little things that happen, that makes it all worthwhile.. :) :)
I also love the friendships from members on here..
-
However as a result of playing catch up, I learned today that Obbie has a new toy. (http://www.picgifs.com/smileys/smileys-and-emoticons/cook/smileys-cook-842998.gif) (http://www.picgifs.com/smileys/) Lucky lady!!!!
-
Yes Johnro, i have a new toy, very happy with my new toy... :)
-
I will be back lovely ladies ... it is only until the end of school term :-* :-*
-
Kathryn Missing you...... :) :) :)